-Arnold Schwarzenegger is the Urinator- I’ve got a story I want to tell i was driving and not feeling very well So i pull over with clouds and stars in my eyes It didn’t take long to realise That i’d urinated in my own vehicle (Urinate urinate) Passers-by look in through the back window Urinator Urinator Arnold Schwarzenegger is the urinator Embaressement was an understatement It even dripped down on to the pavement Urinator Urinator Arnold Schwarzenegger is the urinator -Nothing to do- Who are you? With your size 15 shoes The Wimpy closed Your complexion like the surface of the moon The Budgie’s died And you’ve eaten it’s Trill And the tomatoes i left on the window sill Carry on eating and you’ll make yourself sick We’ll stay in tonight and watch ‘SUPER CHICK’ Nothing to do But pull on yer Plonker Go out in the garden and look for a conker But you can’t do that ‘cos you live in a flat Nothing to do But I’ll think of something new Support Crewe There’s nothing to do But prune the roses The smell of a Chinise take-away drift up our noses Oh no! the dog’s shit on the floor I remedy that I stamp on it’s paw There’s nothing to do But i’ll think of something Nothing to do But i’ll think of something new Something new Sniff’s glue -Dreaded Fore-headed- He repeated all the scenes every evening Innocents scream „Don’t let him butt me” Smokes high-tarred cigarettes Assaults Asians in lauderettes Fore-headed Buck-headed Deep from the heart of cloak & dagger He appears crack pipe in his hand Hose pipe through his ear And when that brown sauce pours over my sausages Fore-headed Buck-headed Caught in bed with the Dreaded Fore-headed Now you can’t show your face before nine All shake in fear i’m the Dreaded Fore-headed And all the beautiful girls i bedded Fore-headed Buck-headed Kiss my protruson Fore-headed Buck-headed -I’m Alone- The sea’s getting rougher But it’s calmer than me I discintly heard a voice on the phone But i ain’t got one Saying gargle with blood Make Panini stickers of the gods Then posters appear through the letterbox And out of thin air With pictures of animals Birds like Squirells Suffocating me I’m alone In a world of my own I’m alone In a world of my own And i’m frightened by buzzards and freaks Roger’s a dog A bloody big dog It takes mountaineering rope to take him for a walk ‘Cos he hasn’t got any legs And when i can’t get on with people I put on my spiky boots and climb up a steeple It’s something to beleive in So my complexes won’t cave in I’m alone in world of my own And i’m frightened by buzzards and freaks I’m alone in world of my own You can’t treat me like a freak I’m alone in world of my own Fuck freaks Is it difficult to imagine What it’s to be Russian or Japanese Or a philosopher like Socrates Just like Socrates I’m alone in world of my own So you think i hang around with freaks I’m alone in world of my own A freak, a freak, a freak, a freak, a freak I’m alone in world of my own Fuck off -Shitters- Shit /-ers / Shit / SHITTERS -Carnivores and talent scouts- Making a name for yourself While basking in the glory Basking in the sun Alion called Rory Tell us a story Carnivores and talent scouts Do you understand what this worlds about? You must do ‘Cos i don’t Nationwide coverage on Saint & Greavsie I’m the lord of the jungle Release me Faggots for supper Dipping fudge into our tea I never really did fit into the community Lot’s of five alives Won’t quench this thirst of mine Sitting on the sideline Every sunday lunchtime You made your mistakes And decide to idolise me Wrestle Burgess Meredith And don’t be so lazy We’re carnivores We’re talent scouts Do you understand what this worlds about? You must do ‘Cos i don’t Nationwide coverage on Saint & Greavsie I’m the lord of the jungle Please, please release me Release me -Ronnie Corbet’s Dead- Sunday’s here once again Crawl out of bed about half past ten Greasy fried egg slips down your throat Have a quick wash then put on your coat Walking out the front door Workmen in the derelict house Trousers round their knees The’re searchng for a bunch of keys But on their radio Comes a newflash Panting becomes sighs Another famous person dies Ronnie Corbet’s dead Eagle dropped him on his head Ronnie’s dead Ronnie Corbet’s dead Underneath the garden shed Ronnie Corbet’s dead T.V. comedy star propping up the bar Such a big anger for such a little man Such a little man And it’s getting out of hand Now... Ronnie Corbet’s dead Eagle dropped him on his head Ronnie’s dead Ronnie Corbet’s dead Propping up the garden shed Ronnie Corbet’s dead -Neighbours- Hello mate What’s your name? Don’t be shy Have you got a car ? Can i lend some money? Do you want to buy some cocaine? Your daughter’s trendy Does she go to discos? People who relay (chorus) Decide on neighbours People who decide Rely on neighbours Where d’you come from Somewhere nice Expensive restaurants Forget the price Old woman of Eighty Mange-ing two Knobs Get out of my house It’s time for top of pops (chorus) (then repeat as above) -My arse your face- Hello sonny What’s your name Living in an egg cup with your brother called Shane Look at me In the army Thirty years in it and i’m totally barmy Open the door Let yourself in The sharpnel made a mess of myface You want to know where i’ve been Five nuns cry because he pinched their things Iregular toothpaste is all he buys Your arse my face My face your arse Ha! ha! Sinai desert Ha! ha! In the golf club Ha! ha! On the green two Rap that golf club round your head Buy the biscuit tin With no biscuits in So i can polish it And make it clean ’Cos i’ve never been seen Never been seen Never been seen before I’ll build a man A metal man He’ll have a bucket A bucket for a head And if you slag him off He’ll be nice to your face But he doesn’t like property Smash up your place (repeat chorus) -Club Indie- Down at the indie club everyone’s your mate Seating arrangements novel Unplugged amplifiers, beercrates Sod the D.J Put the Tavares on Lionel’s out of fashion But no for long Grinning barman don’t look so smug I’ll smoke a joint in front of your face But you can’t have a lug Get a comfy place in the corner Feed my face with tavern snacks Tear up beer mats I’ll hide the pieces Too cover up my tracks I feel like a dance But the music says ‘no’ There’s nothing left But only one place to go Now i have my plot in the graffiti-ridden khazi neck Listening to the distant sounds of Alex Harvey Storm out of the lavabos Watch my chest expand Gaze up at the clock half nine Time for the first band Go up to the next person i meet and start a conversation A ret isperched on the shoulder Looks more like an Alsatian Nice to meet you you snivelling git It’s so pleasent being round such a dry wit But the kilt doesn’t suit Your breath is appalling Aproaching the stage that’s my two minute warning I open my fifth can of Special Brew My feet are in the blocks tonight I’ve got it in for you Now it’s the calm before they start A microphone hit’s the deck A mouldy Polo flies through the air hitting the singer in the neck At club club club indie Club club club indie With a dole card it’s only £2.50 Club indie £2.50 The guitarist tries to tune up But he breaks a string The frontmen fills his lungs with air But forgets what to sing The drummer cop’s the hump And starts to scream and bark The bass player’s had quite enough And chat’s up some old tart At club club clubindie Club club club indie I’ve been away for a week Did you miss me? Club club club indie £2.50 -Things you can’t see - Par-gliding through the seams of your clothes A slight irritation on the end of your nose Forget your inhibitions Flap your arms like a bird Violently scratch your armpits Where there’s microbes by the million There all fostered in your own shit It’s the things you can’t see (chorus) That will bring us to our knees The villainous virus enters through the body Feel as hot as the sun Then as cold as a lolly Don’t bite your fingernails if you’ve picked your rear Absorb food like a black hole But the pipes are not clear The tapeworms in the belly and gorged on the days grub Whines and whinny’s like a lost bear cub (chorus) A case of the shakes And a twtching eye Making lemon tea With your temperature sky high Complexion varies Like the spectrum Odours all hours And the listerine burns Held together by teenage parts ‘Cos it’s the things you can’t see That will bring us to our knees The villainous virus enters through the body -Swimming down the Tweed- I get a nosebleed as a swim down the Tweed And my left arm starts to ache I gaze into the water I cannot see the bottom A more than murky void of all life it seems devoid Swimming down the Tweed Watching the sun bleed Great meandering streams of yellow Pour down across this meadow Dogs bark voraciously Chasing sheep down a secluded valley Poppies red Form enormous beds Sleeping cattle Tractor rattle Getting nearer to my goal By Christ! the water feels so cold Something has my leg All entangled in weed I ask myself after every stroke What am i doing swimming down the tweed? Rock out We gather together the fruits of the forest On the back of a mule on our way down from Norwich We raise our swords for Agincourt Our pitch-forks for the serfs Galloping valiantly on the back of my steed What am i doing swimming down the Firth Swimming down the Firth Swimming in reverse Soaking up the Strathclyde sun Clydebank 3 Alloa 1 Someone has my balls Caught as tight as a vice I ask the policemen on the corner Does he take his whiskey with or without ice? What’s that Rock out Paper maché Italian attaché -Flock of peas- A crow flies in And lands on the T.V It’s got it’s beak stuck in the pot pourii The glass cabinet with the ornaments in They’ve been smashed There’s more wildlife within Just like a suburb of Ho chi min The ceiling’s gone missing The cat crept in Now lying dead in a pool of saki It choked on the rabbit’s foot Attached to the car key Over land and sea fly migrating flocks of peas With the forthcoming droughts Leaves these vegetables without a doubt That not a care is given for the conservation Of the species Barrels to the skies Blow them all to pieces Wandering aimlessly But always dragged back to Earth By the force of gravity Kneel down and pray to the lavatory Gazing trough binoculars At majestic flocks of peas 89p to the pound They fall dead to the ground Hopes are raised as greenpeace turn up on a tractor Saving flocks of peas Flying high over seas They don’t give a damn To conserving the species The mind on the casserole Blow them all to pieces -Take ‘em out- Take ‘em out Take them all out Wipe ‘em out One nuclear war-head Talk about torture Talk about terror Nothing’s ever achived through negotation It never will Fingers on buttons Light up the heavens Sandinista-types are in Lewisham Holding off the council troops The dumb waiter is the contact man Take him out an’ all Even the empties Take ‘em out Take them out -Here comes the Brain- Please come in and take a chair I’m the bastard who put your children in care I will come to a decision and not be rushed A feeling like love Like being crushed Destruction is creation And i’ve swallowed a pen Surrogate mothers Dressed up as a men While wearing gold teeth The same price as cod Standing in a bus queue Fondling god (Second time include: Grabbing god by the ballbeg) Here comes the brain (chorus) To drive you insane Here comes the brain Released on bail Then commit murder Meet my wife An iron girder Photographs of the heart of your two weeks in Spain Another gatwick bomb scare Remind me to do it again A mad dog gets madder Because You’ve forgotten it’s name Who gives a fuck ‘Cos here comes the brain (repeat chorus) Fire-bomb your next door neighbours house